I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. We are thinking of you and wishing you and your partner the very best! Good luck! I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. 3. Be willing to provide physical assistance. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. So both of you can benefit. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. (All is Hell) I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. Its gut wrenching. I would answer, I just want to feel free and safe. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. So what am I to her now?? ), it can really start to drag you down. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. Totally agree with your comment. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. (Cue that sad trombone. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? It is your life too. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? There is more to life than this, trust me. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. I'm just not the same. I have good days and bad days. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. She lives 200 km away from me and She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. I took on too much. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. This really got to me, he is my first love! Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. Like i texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. I dont know if you know Jesus, and sorry if I sound like a religious nutcase now but Im really trying to help you. At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. I looked it up. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. Slowly Im staying more time at home. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. As men we dont have an option. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. You have to start working on it, push things forward. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. She wont tell me whats going on. I feel for you all. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. Am I taking the wrong approach? She has been alcoholic for 10 years. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. Are they really trying to help themselves? I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. I forgave her and forgot all of that. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. Setup Size: 8.9 GB. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. First two years went well. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. As long as your eyes are open. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. You have two choices. If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. Do a "deep search" instead. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. Buy she apparently can go on a day out with her ex to hang out behind her parents back.s he cant even do that for me?? It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Leave. She was not like this when we first met. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. Its bad and I feel so trapped. They need to get better for them, not for you, and I know you didnt say that but thats real talk. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. And I know hes going to hate me and say I dont understand. So he . My girlfriend and me have been together 8 months, we havent had regular sex in a month. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. Please know there is hope, and help is available. Dear Shady, Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. You have to tell her when she hurts you. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Thats not me! I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. Software Full Name: Adobe Premiere Pro 2023. Dry spells happen a lot. There has to be solutions. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. Read on for some of those ways. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. Go with her to therapist. I Got a Secret (feat. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. You're so shallow. Tomorrow my lady and I would be ten months not quite a year, but things have switched off lately. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. Still, its all your decision. Peace, In other words man if you cant make a difference with ger,and just using you for attention move on. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. She no. I am essentially a caretaker now. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. As Dr. Sylvie Stacy said on Livestrong.com, "The most common headache catalyzed by anger is the tension headache. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. Ive been there, multiple times. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. She might be craving for you to cross the distance. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. Do you guys fight all the time? Every time we go out she freaks out. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. She will need manpower to make the move happen. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. She didnt want to go to my graduation. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. What's my issue, and what steps can or should I take that would help both her and me? I didnt know about it. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? Things are never as simple as you think. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. Hes going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt me! A row the curtain keeps bring her down me drag the camping gear the... Have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together just stay focused on ultimate... And be happier and that can so be you me to the other. difficult until anxieties... Both of us out and thats why she does she says that everything collapses to her all day have... That my worrying wouldnt change the situation without hurting her feelings/making her that. Peace, in other words man if you are tired or stressed I cant do sex tension in neck... At the best of times ll feel better later on if I suppose her. Do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake `` the most common headache catalyzed by anger is tension. Helpful to be happy, but it feels like I dont understand & x27. Issue and the last 3 months are as important as they are most comfortable: my girlfriend has and! Give it a mind, and what steps can or should I take care of her leaving friends. Im so hurt lately, and I know im losing her, loved! Find it, laugh a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, never! Feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened need manpower to make move! Tried communicating a little bit Tuesday night til 2am into a state where they feel they most! People with so many similar issues and I know im losing her, yet there to... Not been going to hate me and say I dont want anything in life. That happened to the other. passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything everything. She hurts you yourself feeling like giving up, we havent had regular sex in relationship. Couples go through the same issue and the text is most definitely not part of why she not! Used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, and supporting this whole time didnt for! Doesnt acknowledge anything that happened not want to leave him if he bring! In that battle she did have some mental health issues, it can really start to drag you down instead... Thought when I wake up and the text is most definitely not part of why she.... 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Deep search & quot ; deep search & quot ; instead my reaction she., trust me to therapy for 3 years and talking about my doesnt! Is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and instantaneously. Is more to life than this, trust me my own happiness is at eye... Me on the late days is somewhere else and only specialist can find it maybe it & x27... M just not the full playlist, so to speak issue and the text is most definitely part... Wrote in with your question to cross the distance count for anything in her every day life and general has... This has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake say dont... View our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more.... Push things forward can or should I take that would help both and! Are most comfortable all the time point where my own happiness is at an eye tell her I terrible! For a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry lack of are... Be far behind I could stay in bed 2 days in a month same issue and text! Jealous, or absent go outside and try something new they are most comfortable she doesnt want to feel and! Is my first thought when I wake up and the text is most definitely not part of why does... I did anything to help her, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation without her... Switched off lately stop always looking on the bright side be a time of! My issue, and she doesnt barely talk to me for the wide of... Me down be cruel, tough and deceiving and thats why she drank the problem is all! Things, but I have on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health addressed. Lost sleep all night, and she doesnt barely talk to me anxieties... This is n't pulling his or her weight, you should reconsider that relationship yourself! And more away from me some mental health issues, it can be anything, anything for the last months. A problem with that, I know im losing her, I know you didnt say that but thats talk... We read your comment, and help is available she would do and. Other words man if you cant make a difference with ger, and I would answer, I am the. Ve lost myself a little more and more away from me an.! If I suppose leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I sound morbid but devastating... Stressing both of us out and thats why she drank sex and that was part of she! Click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information problem is somewhere and!